サンプル添削1
01
N.T様
- In many countries, people increasingly talk about money such as how much they earn or how much they pay for
things in their daily conversations. Why is this the case? Is this a positive or negative trend?
- Nowadays, people progressively share information about their earnings and payment in their casual
conversation. This essay will explain the reason why it is happening and why it is a negative trend.
- A possible reason for people talking more about their financial status including income and expenditure in
their daily conversation is that people want to develop their financial literacy. In modern society, people
earn money not only from their full-time job but also from passive income such as owning property and stock
market. Many people are interested in such financial freedom and willing to collect practical information.
Another reason why people talk about their earnings and expenditure is that they want to be reassured about
their financial situation. As world economy is unstable and creating a gap between rich and poor, people want
to ensure their financial situation objectively to avoid worse financial circumstances.
- I believe that people talk about their income and expenditure casually more and more is a negative trend
because it can increase crimes. When people know someone who earns an enormous amount of money and owns
expensive products, they are likely to spread out as a rumour. This makes people, who are well-paid and
purchased expensive house and cars, be targeted at fraud and burglary. Furthermore, this trend that people
talk about earnings and spending money is negative because it can create an individual’s financial issue. By
hearing other’s financial situation, people are willing to spend money on products or holidays that others
enjoyed and highly recommended. Some of them may try to follow it and use money recklessly, no matter how much
money they have or owe.
- In conclusion, the reason why people talk about their earnings and expenditure is that they want to collect
information as a financial literacy and be reassured about their finance. I believe that this is a negative
trend because it can increase crimes and individual’s financial issues.
- 目標スコア：7.5, スコアリング希望, 内容フィードバック希望
- 添削よろしくお願いします。
スコアリングとともにフィードバック資料を返却させていただきます。よろしければ次回ももう一度内容チェックに出してみましょう。もちろんご希望に応じて表現チェックに出していただいても構いません。ご不明な点がございましたらいつでもお知らせください。
ダウンロード
- In many countries, people increasingly talk about money such as how much they earn or how much they pay for
things in their daily conversations. Why is this the case? Is this a positive or negative trend?
- Nowadays, people increasingly share information about their earnings and payment in their casual
conversation. This essay will explain the reason why it is happening and why it is a negative trend.
- A possible reason for people talking more about their financial status including income and expenditure in
their daily conversation is that people want to develop their financial literacy. In modern society, people
earn money not only from their full-time job but also from passive income such as owning property and stock
market. Many people are interested in such financial freedom and willing to collect practical information.
Another reason is that they want to be reassured about their financial situation. As world economy is unstable
and creating a gap between rich and poor, people want to ensure their financial safety objectively to avoid
worse financial circumstances.
- I believe that people talking more about their income and expenditure casually is a negative trend because
it can increase crimes. When people know an affluent person, they are likely to share the details of such
person with others and it spreads out as a rumour. This can put people, who are well-paid and purchased
expensive houses and cars, at high risk of being a victim of fraud and burglary. Furthermore, the trend of
people disclosing their finance casually is negative because it can damage relationships between family
members and friends. People who are well-paid can be expected to pay more or even lend money to their family
and friends. This damages trust and makes them estranged.
- In conclusion, the reason why people talk about their finance casually is that they want to develop their
financial literacy and be reassured about their finance. I believe that this is a negative trend because it
can increase crimes and damage relationship with family and friends. (299)
- 7.0, 内容チェック希望
- 添削ありがとうございました。ご指摘いただいた点と、同じ言葉の繰り返しを避けるように書き直しました。よろしくお願いします。
フィードバック資料を返却させていただきます。大変良くなりましたね。次回は表現チェックでも良さそうです。ご不明な点がございましたらいつでもお知らせください
ダウンロード
- Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may
not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
- Nowadays, people increasingly share information about their earnings and how they spend their money in their
casual conversation. This essay will explain the reason why it is happening and why it is a negative trend.
- A possible reason for people talking more about their financial status including income and expenditure in
their daily conversation is that people want to develop their financial literacy. In modern society, people
earn money not only from their full-time job but also from passive income such as income from owning property
and stock market. Many people are interested in such financial freedom and willing to collect practical
information. Another reason is that they want to be reassured about their financial situation. As the world
economy is unstable and creating a gap between rich and poor, people want to ensure their financial safety
objectively to avoid worse financial circumstances.
- I believe that people becoming more casual about their income and expenditure casually is a negative trend
because it increases the likelihood of being involved in crime. When people know an affluent person, they are
likely to share the details of such person with others. This can put well-paid people at high risk of being a
victim of fraud and burglary. Furthermore, the trend of people disclosing their finance casually is negative
because it can damage relationships between family members and friends. Well-paid people can be expected to
pay more or even lend money to their family and friends. This damages trust and makes them estranged.
- In conclusion, the reason why people talk about their finance casually is that they want to develop their
financial literacy and be reassured about their finance. I believe that this is a negative trend because it
can increase crimes and damage relationship with family and friends.
- 目標スコア：7.5, 表現チェック
- よろしくお願いいたします。
エッセイの完成、おめでとうございます！フィードバック資料をお送りしますのでご確認ください。ご不明な点があればいつでもお知らせください。
ダウンロード
マイエッセイ無料体験
